Raising wild children
Ndzalama discusses self directed learning and the bravery to stand up for your child’s learning choices.
About a year ago, Mama came to visit for a few days. I had my youngest daughter on my back, walking up and down in the passage. I could hear my mother reading a bedtime story to my oldest daughter, Ifunanya. Yhoooo I was grinning so much guys, gratitude was filling up my entire spirit. How blessed was I to have a mother who reads to my children. After sometime, however, the energy shifted, I could hear my mother forcing Ifunanya to read. I remember Mama’s tone becoming aggressive as she shouted “At your age I could read, your cousin can read and you guys are the same age, do you want to be stupid?” Iyaaa my heart started to race, breathing loud as I told myself to calm down. Ifunanya’s voice when trying to respond was full of despair and tears.
After some deep breathing, I walked in there, calm yet assertive, and said in my most non-violent-communicative voice, “Mama, we love to have you here but we don’t do that here, she will read when she reads, if you will use force, unfortunately you will have to leave. Please respect our wishes for learning and engage with your grandchildren in other ways that brings us all peace and joy.”
Never ever did I ever imagine myself almost kicking my own mother out of my home! The transition of convincing my family, my friends and most importantly myself about the form in which I educate my children, was one of the hardest things I have had to do as a parent. It has been a fight for liberation and I would like to tell you how it all started . . .
Three years ago when Ifunanya turned 5 years old; I started searching for a school. I looked all around and I just couldn’t find the right fit for our family. I then resorted to homeschool her for a few months. My needs for her to have friends and socialize with other children were unfulfilled so together with a friend, Gabisile Khumalo we decided that we were going to look into starting up a school. We shared a common vision to open a safe space for children to learn, and most importantly, to be seen and happy.
Gabisile had attended as well as worked as a teacher for some of the local schools and just like me felt that the current system was failing students as well as the teachers. We started to research and one day drove around looking for the ideal location for this dream to materialize. We stopped at the shopping centre for a break and after following the seductive scent of coffee I stumbled across a shop that sells honey, nuts and luckily tobacco. I love enjoying a cup of coffee with a fag. That combination just makes sense. Those who know, know - you know!
The shop owner’s friendly nature got me sharing my frustrations with her regarding the fuckey school system, she then advised me to chat to a parent whose daughter attends a learning centre for families that homeschool/ unschool their children, called FreerangeEdu. After a visit to the centre and reading many articles and watching videos on alternative education, I was introduced and completely taken by UNSCHOOLING /SELF DIRECT LEARNING.
Self Direct Learning (SDL) is a process in which a student is responsible for organising and managing his or her own learning activities and needs. SDL encourages individuals to become responsible for their own learning, which allows the student to develop more freely. I believe we can all agree that learning is a continuous life long process, it happens everywhere. We are never not learning, it’s the same as living. Whether it is on the playground, in the kitchen, or during gardening at grannies - WE LEARN, in all ways.
SDL has a community, structures like setting intentions, sharing your feelings and conflict resolution. You can choose to follow a curriculum, our family has opted to not. We don’t have grades or any testing – try explaining that to some of my very conservative, academic relatives!!!! The one question I get asked all the time is about measurement and readiness for jobs and the answer is always; If the children want to, they can, even tertiary education in the future is still possible if that’s a path they want they can take it.
I have learnt to support whatever it is my children are curious about and want to explore without imposing my own wants, beliefs and fears on them (each year this gets better). I try to supply the relevant information, resources and people to guide and encourage them on what they care to learn about. As a member of the Self Direct Learning or Unschooling community, I believe we prioritize personal choice, creativity, mental, spiritual and emotional wellbeing, as an important foundation in how we raise our kids.
In the words of Mia Von Scha, founder of Transformational Parenting: “It is time for the children’s revolution. Not for the right to vote for some political party but for the right to vote for their own freedom. For the right to be treated with respect as full human beings. For the right to pursue what is important and meaningful to them. For the right to have a voice and to make a difference in the world. For the right to be treated as human beings and not as possessions.”