On polycapability
Chris Rock has a skit where he describes how, white parents never have to tell their kids that they can be anything they want to be, as white children already know this. I always found it not funny. My parents never told me I could be anything I wanted to be, they told me I needed to be a professional. Someone with a job, pension and good credit. I am thirty years old in just about a year and I have none of these. My folks are thrilled. And I am not suicidal.
Life’s funny, as a prodigious black child in white South Africa I did what I had to, to survive. Then ran to UCT where I could rage for a few years and figure it out. I figured out I was not going to be an actuary or an accountant. I realized I have always been an artist. Society’s most maligned child, and of course a shame to my Apartheid survivor, professional parents.
The thing is, I could have been any of those professions if they gave me the room to be something else. Even if it was just one other thing. Besides parenthood.
Being creative has given me the space to realize I am a multi-hyphenate, and while my bank balance might not be, I am grateful for that. Money’s important though, seriously, if I had any I wouldn’t be writing this from my mother’s house but the millennium has afforded a few of us the space of self-discovery. The space to be originals. I mean I’m on the verge of releasing my debut musical project (and possible second emotional breakdown but hey who’s counting?). After years of hiding, then years of trying, and a few more years of just getting on with it, I have made peace with the journey of being. A person cannot be defined in absolute terms. ‘Prodigy’, ‘Liar’, ‘Bombshell’ all these titles belie so many other things, so many talents, so many proclivities for greatness. I have a friend, an aviation attorney who creates beautiful portraits and dresses immaculately. If she wasn’t working those crazy lawyer hours, I wonder what beauty she would have the time to bring to life. Not to knock aviation but this woman’s accessory game is an honour to behold. And there are so many of these artists-at-desks. Now, having quit formal employment and spent the rest of the time being supported by my parents, part time work and loans from my friends. I no longer recommend it but I do recommend an opening of the collective vision of what humans are and can be.
We were born to learn and overcome life’s endless challenges. And whatever our personal journeys may be life is a fight to the death, so you might as well be fighting for something. The nature of this incredible experience is that we are given so many tools to do that, and while people may frown on those who change jobs every year, or their minds endlessly (sorry friends, I know I’m indecisive, it’s just how does one know until they have considered all the angles?), I believe we should be more flexible about the ‘what’ of who we are and focus on the ‘why’, and the ‘how’. As ‘what’ is a long story, and depending on who you ask we are really smart fish or aliens.
“A person cannot be defined in absolute terms. ‘Prodigy’, ‘Liar’, ‘Bombshell’ all these titles belie so many other things, so many talents, so many proclivities for greatness. ”
The worst part is, I always knew I wanted to make music, since I was 5 and saw MJ light up stages with his gift. It just turns out I also had a gift for writing, which is way more respectable so I went that way first. Now imagine if I had not been put into the machine and programmed to choose a degree at 17 and a career at 24. Of course education is a privilege, it can also feel like a vice gripping you so hard you might explode with all the expectations from your family, and newly democrazy society. I am pushing thirty, without life partner, child or mortgage in sight and I finally found what I want to do with my life. I want to do it all. I will make music, keep writing, have babies, have businesses and don’t laugh, but I really want to study astronomy. The stars are so beautiful man, Galileo had it popping. And speaking of dead white dudes, they had a chance to paint, and invent, and philosophize. I just want the same shot Michelangelo had to actualize himself. We all deserve that shot. And we can all be anything we want to be, even if no one ever told it to us. Even if we don’t believe it ourselves. There are possibilities, permutations and iterations of us we have not considered and been conditioned to avoid and ignore. Feck, perhaps if I had ignored more of mine I would not have fallen in love a million times, made twice as many mistakes as that, and met so many amazing people I am awed and crushing every day. But then I also wouldn’t be here to tell the tale and something inside me keeps telling me that telling the tale is exactly what I came here to do, come hell, high water or Papa Pope.